My Time in the Spotlight

Coming to China, one of my goals, or rather guiding principles, was to make as much out of this experience as possible, to not pass up on anything that would allow me to dive into Chinese culture and life. In that spirit, I starred on a Chinese television show.

The story begins simple enough. The Flagship office was contacted by representatives from the local TV station, Jiangsu TV station. (Nanjing is the capital of the province Jiangsu) Back then I spoke to some TV people about the possibility about doing something on TV. The show was presented as a competition, where contestants sang or did other things, like a variety show. We had a very general discussion, and I was told that I might be contacted again in the future about possibly participating.  All right with me. Months went by without any contact. This is a slight exaggeration, but conveys the fact that we didn't hear anything again for a while.
Finally I got a call. The director for the TV show is there and wants to meet. I had forgotten about the whole deal by then, so I was not anxious to rearrange my plans again. But, I reminded myself, I wanted to use every opportunity possible to experience something unusual. Thus, I met with the director.
We met in a conference room at the school. I and another girl from the Flagship had been asked to interview with the director about possibly hosting the show. We didn't know this was basically an interview/audition. We had been informed that "they just wanted to talk", but the director soon got down to business. Please introduce yourselves. Alright, no problem, I have done that many times. The conference room also had a stage for presentations and soon the director asked us to get up on the stage and give her our best "host personality". Lacking ideas what to say, I recited the one Chinese poem that I had memorized, which happens to be a poem that every single student of Chinese memorizes at some point. Good, good, the director seemed to be happy with me. Next the girl. It was quite the audition. And in true Chinese fashion, the director and assistant did not shy away from discussing our strengths and especially weaknesses very openly with each other. (with us standing right there)
By the way, the director says to me, can you sing? Well, yes, I can sing. Please, sing me a song, says the excited director. Again, I'm at a loss for words, I did not prepare for this! But luckily I had an ace up my sleeves I hadn't played yet: my favorite German classical song, "Die Launische Forelle". I give my best rendition of the song to a satisfied looking audience. He can hold a tune, said the director. The TV people talked amongst each other and then turned to me with a smile: We will let you know what we want you to do. Wait for an email. Having experienced the whims of the Chinese before, I felt a little frustrated, set on rejecting any offer that would come from them. I was not in the mood for singing in some kind of questionable variety show, especially lip-synced, as all these shows are.

Some time went by before I heard from them again. But alas, the email came. Scratch the previous plans of singing or hosting. We want you to do a Xiangsheng performance, or Cross-Talk, as it translates into English. Let me explain. Everything in China has some kind of ancient origin. Comedy has the art of Xiangsheng. It is basically a two-man skit, which relies mainly on the interplay of language for comical effect. One person is the straight-man, the character the audience identifies with and the other one is the funny one. It has a very long history in China and is an art of high language. Having foreigners do a skit like this would be a first for this show. Well, this sounded like something right down my alley!

Now it was time to prepare. I got a script emailed to me with instructions to start memorizing lines! Concurrently, we scheduled an appointment to meet with some TV people and my partner for the skit, Dan from Australia. The day arrives and I found my way to the TV building, a rather tall building although that isn't anything special in Nanjing. Up we went to the 30-something floor, into a conference room, where Dan and some other TV people awaited me, including a lady who constantly pours more green tea for those in attendance. The director is there, anxious to help us learn the script.

I must admit, the first time I read the script, I had no idea where the jokes were, or what I was saying. Same goes for the second and third time I was reading it. But with the expert help of the director, I soon understood what we were talking about. You'd be surprised, but that really matters for performing it well! Dan and I started practicing, still mostly reading from our scripts. The director constantly interjected to show us how our lines were supposed to sound, what kind of tone our voice was supposed to have. Even now, I can still hear her voice saying the lines in my head.
This practice goes on for quite a while, and frustrations were growing. Everyone was tired, and even with good Chinese, language communication barriers are hard to erase. Finally Dan and I decided to meet again to practice in a week and we dismissed to our own practices.

And quite frankly, I didn't spend much time thinking about it. I mean, I am a busy man! But time of course always catches up with you. So I found myself in the phone with yet another TV person, saying that I needed to come in to practice! This time, however, I would be meeting with Teacher Lü, a cross-talk master! Back to the tall TV tower with lots of glass walls and windows and where everybody wears a badge. Up we went to the 30-something floor again, and there he was, teacher Lü, in the flesh. He is a short man, with a balding head and thick rimmed round glasses. He wore a brown jacket and slacks, with all the appearance of a Chinese gentleman. He had very clear pronunciation, enunciated words very carefully, but did not speak slowly. He spoke the way a seasoned performer, who's profession it is to speak, would speak. Even better than his speaking was his teaching. I felt that I had my lines down and knew how to act them out to make them funny. Turns out I had no idea. We went through all the lines multiple times, and the little details he pointed out were amazing. He taught us to get the timing right, to pause in our sentences, to add a little bit more actual movement in our gestures and acting (Dan arrived after a while and we practiced together). We improved remarkably after a while, but I could still see that we still had a lot to improve before we could become professional cross-talkers. Luckily, neither one of us had that goal.
The practice was moving along quite quickly, and I started to feel that we might be able to call it an early night. But alas, I rejoiced too soon. It was not only a day of practice, but a day of performance! You know how, in all these talent shows one sees everywhere, they always have a little bit of video interviewing the performer, talking about some background? Well, it turns out that we were going to film that today. So I cursed myself for not having gotten a haircut yet, and got ready.

Our teacher brought some professional cross-talk clothes for us, called a 长褂 (Changgua), which we then donned in preparation for the filming. It turned out to be pretty basic. They filmed us striking obvious and odd poses with our robes and fans. They filmed us talking about the art of cross-talk, and what we thought was hard about it. They filmed us giving tea to our teacher. They filmed us practicing, taking notes and filmed our teacher talking about us. It was really quite fun.

Then things got real. Dan and I met one more time to solidify our lines, and then we all got together for a big dress rehearsal on Friday night, the night before the performance. The size of the studio room surprised me. It was a very tall room and large stage, although surprisingly dirty. The big screens in the background showed somebodies computer desktop, and there were people with headsets and cables running around everywhere. We did not have much time. We had time for exactly one run through on the stage, just to get us used to performing with bright lights in our faces. Our props were simple, a wooden table. So we did our thing. The mikes didn't work properly and we didn't talk loudly and clearly enough. But that was it! Next group up on the stage. Our teacher could not leave it at that, of course and we set up shop right next to the studio room, in the hallway. Still wearing our awesome Chinese robes, we practiced many more times. Teacher Lü had more valuable tips to give us that, I believe, made our final performance even better. After my throat started to feel sore, we called it a day. We had our assignments: make sure you have the lines solid, and come back tomorrow at 5 PM for makeup, the show starts at 7:30.

On saturday, the day of the show, we spent the afternoon touring more museums in Nanjing with the Flagship group, but then it was time for show business! Since the TV people were outraged that I couldn't come before 5, I made sure to get there as fast as I could. After waiting around for about half an hour, at 5:30 we finally found a make-up artist to help me get started. The robe is on and now for my face. It is hard to not feel a little bit like a celebrity, sitting there in a chair, backstage, in a make-up room. The door did not have a star on it, unfortunately. The make-up was done and it was time for Dinner. Here I must remark that the make-up did NOT smell very good.

There were people running around everywhere. Contestants, TV crew, other guests. I see my cousin Jonny, who hosted the show, walking around with his co-anchor, acting like a true professional. His make-up is quite a bit flashier than mine too, might I add. If you work for a TV station, there IS such a thing as a free lunch! So I went down to a small, cold area in the building to enjoy my meal. But since we were only lowly participants on a foreigner only variety show, the food was not very good (questionable vegetables and fish with more bones than meat). The last thing to do before the show started was to get my guests there safe and sound, which they did. Everything was set! The make-up is applied, the audience was seated, the show is about to begin! We went backstage and waited.
Everyone was anxious and excited. The room was somewhat-full of people and the screens lit up to present the host for the evening, my cousin Jonny Dangerfield! From what I could hear from backstage, he was doing a fantastic job. Dan and I went through our lines again. Then some radio reporters caught us and interviewed us about cross-talk. Apparently having foreigners doing cross-talk is something unusual. Dan uses all of his Australian charm to impress the reporters (he is on TV shows a lot) and I tried to offer some extra opinions on the art of cross-talk, which I now have perfected!
The atmosphere backstage was exciting. Everyone was talking about their act, the acts of others and about the whole crazy experience. I got to talk to some other BYU students and people from other schools and learned that there are interesting people everywhere! So there we were, waiting behind stage for our act, listening to the rather catchy songs other contestants performed. Here I might add that all the acts lip-synced their performance, only Dan and I were live. This indeed made me a little nervous; after all, the possibility of drawing a blank and standing there with nothing was real.

Then, our time came. The big screen in the back showed a little clip about Dan and me, during which time some crew members, dressed in black, put our table on the stage. I was grateful for this security bringing little prop. With robes ready and headsets checked, we walked on the stage to thundering applause ( I'm not actually sure that is true. I am just assuming here!). After a tasteful little bow, we started.

It went great! Dan and I both agreed that it was our best run through. The audience was laughing at the exact locations we were told the jokes were. The judges loved us. My nervousness was gone once on stage and it was a blast. And as soon as it started, it was over. We walked back behind the stage, totally excited! It was indeed a good day.

The rest of the show was fun. We were excited to be done. However, nothing is ever as it seems in China (or as one is told at first). As the show was coming to a close, we were told that one of us had to accept the prize, as every act was getting a prize; the judges would decide who would get what prize. Since I was wearing a nice sweater and Dan just a shirt, we decided that I was the candidate to accept the prize. After every contestant ran on stage and sang a song together (to which nobody actually knew the words), the names of the winners were read. Lo and behold, I won a prize. A glass star was handed to me, which I waved proudly overhead, before heading to my designated place within the crowd of contestants. We all danced around a little bit on stage, and tons of confetti was exploding all around us. Then the lights went out, the cameras down and it was over.

The cleaning up was fast, except that I mixed up in which dressing room I put my backpack in and finding the right place took a while. During the celebration I met a guy who asked me if I was part of the "Kung Fu Panda Comedy Club". Sadly not, I said. Like I said, interesting people everywhere.

That was it. It was a fun day. But after this little experiment in the Comedy industry, I feel that it is not my place.